No change in sight for Japan's revolving door leadership
September 7, 2008
 By William Pesek
Here's a pub quiz question that expatriates in Tokyo pull out around the time the third bottle of sake arrives: "Quick, name Japan's last five prime ministers."
Americans put on the spot in this way need to reach back to 1977 and Jimmy Carter and Brits must think back to James Callaghan in 1976. Japanese only need to remember Keizo Obuchi in 1998. Once a replacement is chosen for Yasuo Fukuda, who quit on Monday after less than a year in office, Japanese only need to look to 2000.
What does a leading economy with a revolving door of hapless leaders say to investors? Well fear not for I have a solution to your troubles - I humbly put forward my name for consideration.
Okay, it can't happen. I'm not Japanese and I'm younger than 65. But why not take a chance? I have my speech all worked out.
Aso's prospects
My Japanese friends, we have again seen the effects of playing the game "Let's have a new prime minister every 12 months". It is not helping Japan's image overseas.
There was talk of Taro Aso as the next prime minister, but was that really what you wanted? Sure, the former foreign minister has a certain charisma. But come on, do you really think this gaffe-prone politician would last longer than 11 months?
Remember the last, last prime minister, Shinzo Abe, lasted about that long. He was no match for the ascendant Democratic Party of Japan, which wrested control of the parliament's upper house from the Liberal Democratic Party (LDP) last July.
There was also talk of bringing back Japan's most famous Elvis Presley fan: Junichiro Koizumi. I'll say it again: C'mon.
You have to love a guy who from 2001 to 2006 actually told banks to dispose of their bad loans after a decade of delay tactics.
And give Koizumi his due for trying to reduce public-works spending and privatise enterprises such as Japan Post.
Yet the romanticised view of "Koizumi the reformer" is wildly overdone. He was more talk than action, highlighting what Japan needed to do, then leaving it to his successors to do it. Would Koizumi really have stepped back into the thick of things to grapple with the world's largest public debt, a shrinking population and stagflation?
Koizumi, after all, went out on a global high. The last most folks outside Japan saw of him was his visit to Elvis's house in 2006. Who can forget President George W Bush's bewildered look as Koizumi donned Elvis' sunglasses and played air guitar? Koizumi would have to be dragged back into power kicking and screaming.
An old platform
But not me. I'm ready to lead, and here's what I plan to do.
I'll announce a new fiscal stimulus package every few months, paid for with fresh borrowing. I'll avoid any major revamp of the corporate tax system. If companies want to go to Hong Kong and Singapore over a little thing like uncompetitive tax rates, so be it. And I won't make it easier for start-up companies. Entrepreneurs are just so high maintenance, aren't they?
I pledge to give you more of the same. Top cabinet posts will go to those who deserve them: my friends. I'll spend billions in public funds on contracts at my friends' companies. I will build roads, bridges and dams no one needs. I will champion the construction of museums and other white elephants in the countryside that no one visits. Concrete Economics is back.
And I will champion the next generation of Japan's leadership - young guys in their late 50s! I would mention some female empowerment stuff here, but who would believe such talk from a Japanese leader?
And there you have it - my pledge to protect the status quo and save the ruling LDP. Never mind that there's nothing liberal nor democratic about the crowd that's run Japan for all but 10 months since 1955.
Avoiding change at all costs is what your leaders have done. I'll deliver more of that - at least until you replace me in a year.
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